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Sue and Bob Frause, who have been married for 37 years, say one of the keys to their long romance is to not take the little stuff too seriously. "It's got to be fun, otherwise, why bother?" says Sue Frause.
Sue and Bob Frause of Langely, Wash., have been happily married for 37 years. Or, as they might title the story of their lives: "Man, woman happily married for 37 years."
One of their goofier common interests: the pair often slips into headline-speak, a result of their shared background in communication careers. (It's usually used to soften the edge of a request that might otherwise be considered naggy, explains Sue Frause. For example, she says, rather than calling her husband out for not doing the dishes, "I'll walk by the kitchen and go, 'Man leaves dishes in sink, woman throws pot out window' .... then and then he laughs and I laugh and it's not an issue.")
Sometimes it seems like a couple that's still in love after decades together actually is rare enough to warrant a news headline. Most of us assume that the sparks that fly during those dizzy, dreamy first days of a relationship fade with time. (Or, as Oscar Wilde phrased it: "One should always be in love; that is the reason one should never marry.")
But that doesn't have to be the case, a growing number of studies are suggesting.
In a new national survey of married Americans, 40 percent of those who'd been married at least 10 years said they remained "very intensely" in love with their partner. The study sought to determine whether long-term romantic love was just a rare phenomenon, and the researchers, led by Daniel O'Leary, a clinical psychologist at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, N.Y., were surprised to find just the opposite. Even for the longest marriages -- three decades or more -- 40 percent of women and 35 percent of men said they were still madly in love.
The report, done by social psychologists at Stony Brook University and Harvey Mudd College, is already published online, and will appear in the March issue of the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.
The report gathered data through a randomized telephone survey done over about four weeks in August and September of 2007, and the study results were drawn from the 274 married individuals across the U.S. who completed the survey. On average, the respondents were in their mid- to late-40s, and had been married for around 20 years. (A second survey was conducted in the fall of 2009, surveying just New York state residents. Just 33 percent of those living in New York state said they were still intensely in love with their long-term partners. But the researchers expected that -- those in the Northeast tend to report lower levels of happiness and well-being in general.)
They also wanted to find out some of the reasons why love sometimes does last for the long haul: Those who said they remained "intensely" in love were also more likely to think positively about their partner and to think about their partner when they were apart; they also reported more frequent hugs, kisses and, yes, sex. Lasting love was also associated with common interests -- especially those that were new or challenging -- and general life happiness. On the other hand, the results also identified two things that don't matter when it comes to long-term love: education level and money.
"The idea is we don't have to assume that it's just going to be serving the oatmeal to each other" as the decades slip by, says Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University and one of the authors of this study.
Sue Frause, 61, says she and Bob, 66, believe intensity is good when it comes to love - but not when it comes to day to day issues that can get heated. They say one of the secrets to their relationship is that "we've learned to diffuse things that have become amplified so it's not that big of a deal," she says. "... It's got to be fun, otherwise, why bother?"
She says both of them strive to keep the romance alive, even in the simple things. He husband Bob, 66, recently made her a CD mix of love songs. For Valentine's Day, she's making him the same dinner she first made him when they were were dating. "I call it 'Sentimental Stroganoff'," she says.
Last January, Aron authored a study that looked at brain scans of adults in long-term marriages who said they still felt in love now as they had at the beginning of their relationship. They compared those images with brain scans of couples who had just fallen in love. The scans found similar activity in both types of couples in the ventral tegmental area, the reward-processing region of the brain.
OK, but how do you make sure love sticks around? This may be that rare instance where advice found in women's magazines is right: Try something new together. You could take a class, start a new hobby or learn a new sport -- but it could be even simpler than that. Aron and his wife recently decided to do something together they hadn't done in years: hang out at a bar.
And, as it turns out, you may be doing your part simply by reading this post. We assume that love can't last because that's what we hear again and again. But knowing that isn't always the case may be the first step to lasting love."There is actually a possibility that it's not just a fairy tale, that there are people that live happily ever after," Aron says. "Some people actually do it."
TODAY.com contributor Diane Mapes contributed to this post.
What's the secret to your lasting love? Tell us on Facebook.
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Married 21 years - a couple for 26 years. Try this: BE NICE. yep - that's right - be nicer to that person than any other people in your life. I've seen it time and again - esp with my female friends (sorry girls...) - they walk around being miss nice girl to the whole world then when they're tired and frustrated, turn the venom on their husbands. Not acceptable. No one is perfect - you married that person, and while people do mellow out over time, you are not going to "fix" that person - they are who they are. And perfection is BORING anyway. Sheesh - try to laugh. One of our rituals is to be the first to point out the best cartoons in the daily paper. Have stuff you do together but respect each having their own thing they like to do as well. When you get to the point where you have a long history together, close your eyes, smile, and feel blessed that you are still on the journey together.
Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. It is AMAZING how so many people refuse to try that in their relationships.
My husband is kinder to complete strangers then to me (we've been married 26 years). *Wasn't Me* ...both sexes are guilty of that.
My ex used to rationalize that "venom" by saying she was glad she was married so there was someone she could take it out on. Always the sour...never the sweet. What a mistake! stayed in it 24 years until sons were beyond 18. Another mistake. Stayed alive though.....barely. Single today. Lonely at times but remind myself what I escaped from and the day turns better. Happy Valentines Day to those who love or are in Love.
Such long term love is truly a blessing. But it does require work on both sides, and not just any work, but an effort to please that other person in a way they like to be pleased.
Max,
The last part of your post brought on some....interesting memories with the ex. Funny, actually...
And I'll raise that to 43 years . . . and she still looks as beautiful to me as she did those few years ago. We've never had a loud fight, and seemed not to have learned how to get real angry with each other. We've certainly had disagreements, irritations, frustrations, disappointments and annoyances. We simply never learned how to hold onto them past bedtime, and we more often than not dissolve into a bout of giggles over our over-blown, self-indulgent insistence that our anger was worth the energy. What can I say? Maybe we're just lucky. Maybe we're too passionate to be sensible. Now that I think about it, we're probably an awful role model. But we are happy.
"...our over-blown, self-indulgent insistence that our anger was worth the energy."
Very profound.
Also making a comment enables me to find this comment again easily.
I proposed to my wife 25 years ago today. I'd do it again in a heartbeat (though I'd use a little more imagination this time). We have plans to renew our vows in June.
Congrats Dana - we renewed our vows a few years back when our son was home on leave - it was so grand to see what our love had given us through the years - to have our son and daughter stand with us.
In 1969, I met my husband to be in the aisle of a grocery store - I will swear to you time stopped for me - we married two years later and left for college together. He is my Sun - I am his Moon and our two children, our four dogs - are the stars in our universe. He still takes my breathe away. Lord have mercy, I utterly adore that man.
Great article, worth reflecting over.
Grammar error in the teaser for this article on MSNBC's home page:
While many assume that the passion of those dizzy, dreamy early days of relationship fade in time, a new survey found 40 percent of those married for at least a decade, such as Sue and Bob Frause, are still very in love.
Should be "fades"; the subject is "passion," not "days." I'd also say either "a relationship" or "relationships," just to improve the flow.
Oh Bobby - your such a romantic.
Careful, Bobby's gonna bust you for that 'your'..
No, I will,
Brian,
That's "you're such a romantic".
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Incorrect. Someone needs to repossess your "Grammar Police" badge -- Bobby...
days of relationship fade in time...............Days don't fades, they fade.
Fred, vor -
Some people have difficulty with my sense of humor ;)
I don't, I thought it was funny, I get tired of the grammar police getting their shirts all stuffed because they think they busted people who SHOULD know better.
Bobby is wrong; Jungle Jim is correct.
The grammar?? Who really gives a ripe rip!! Take the day off! Ignore him/her!! Happy Valentine's Day!
No Bobby is correct. Passion is the subject, not days.
I hate to say it, but I now feel compelled (why, I don't know, and not that any of you care what a high-school drop-out has to say on American English sentence structure), but I think Bobby is right, the subject is the word 'passion' which thusly requires it to be paired with 'fades.' That which is fading is the passion, not the days. I also concur with the cleaner flow produced by the 'a relationship' form.
Did everyone else have a good Valentine's Day? I hope so!
My husband and I celebrated our 30th last November. The man still makes me want to climb trees and howl at the moon! He is one of the finest men I have ever known and I am so grateful that he has been part of my life. Happy Valentine's day, my love!
becoming-galactic...I found a fabulous man too...it's soon to be our 31 st year
Congratulations you two. I'm a youngin compared to you. Going on 8 years. But I can't imagine my life without my husband. He's the finest man I've known. A real saint for putting up with me. I'm very lucky and tell him all the time. Conversely he is always doing sweet little things for me (not just on V-Day) and thanks me for marrying him and making him a dad.
Poor baby, he's home sick today. I will give him a wonderful present. After the kids get out of school I'm taking them to see Star Wars so he can rest.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Almost 48 years and counting! 50 years since we started dating!! Wouldn't have anyone else. I believe I have the most thoughtful, loving husband in the world and he adores me still! We rarely argue and NEVER, NEVER go to sleep without a goodnight kiss or leave the other without a kiss & an "I love you"!
I have been married for 29 years to my junior-high school sweetheart - we met the summer between 6th and 7th grade. We have literally grown-up together and we are each other's best friend. There have been bad times, unhappy times and a lot of fights when we were younger, but, the good/great times FAR outweigh the bad. We also have two beautiful children, my biggest accomplishment in life. The number of times we've been apart for anything over two days, I can count on one hand. Unfortunately, as I write this, he is out of town for work - a first in our many years. I miss him terribly and just talking to him on the phone brings tears to my eyes - and he won't be home for three more days. Friday can not get here soon enough. I am always perplexed when couples who have been together for years divorce or separate - how is it possible to no longer love someone who you loved so deeply before? I have never experienced that feeling, and I'm sure I never will. Everything we do together - we enjoy doing TOGETHER. We have always gone away for our wedding anniversary, for no less than one night, if not two or three - even when our children were infants. I look forward to the day when we're both retired and we can be together 24/7!
Some people don't have the attachment that you and your husband have long term anyway. I think its in a persons makeup to either be the type that stays committed or look for greener grass on someone else lawn. The trick seems to be to have both people of that mindset. Kudos to you for not being like many women and men these days.
My husband & I have been married 21 years. His first, my second. The best part of our marriage was when he accepted my 2 children as his own. They couldn't love him more if he had given birth to them himself. We also have 2 children together. The secret to a succesful marriage? I learned to love sports, especially the Eagles, and he learned to love murder mysteries. I have been to many games with him and he is taking me to see "The Mousetrap" next week. We also record Jeopardy every day and then watch it together. It is great fun, especially when he tries to steal my answers & I threatened to push him off the bed. He gives me frequent massages & often brings me breakfast in bed. Every night I massage his scalp & he falls asleep like a baby. Small things that make the big difference. We have our share of arguments, but then we are human. He doesn't often say I love you, but actions speak louder than words.
Married in 1966, minister said would not last as I was a US soldier stationed in Germany and my beautiful wife was a German girl. Well 46 years this Aug. and sill in love with my one and only. Thru good times and bad we have been there for each other and always will be......
J. Paris, Congrats on a beautiful marriage. You sound like my parents. My dad was stationed in England and met my mom. They married in 1952 and were married 58 years, when my mom passed. My dad passed this past October. I know they are together and doing their favorite thing, DANCING! That's how they met at a Dance in Liverpool England. Here's for many more years for you and your wife!
To close, I've been married to my best friend for 37 years!
We've been married almost 34 years, a couple for more than 37 and we're still honeymooning. Oh sure, there were the dirty diapers, the past due bills, the separations (real and imagined) by work and family commitments but every minute we're together is special. We fight fair, we stick together and we find new and interesting things to do together as well as the old tried and true. Most of all we laugh, we challenge each other, we plan and we dream together. My weaknesses are his stengths and vice-a-versa. The most important person in any relationship is the other person!
Married for almost 15 years, together for 17 years. He is truly my best friend. I love him dearly and cannot imagine not having him in my life.
We've been married for 23 years in October and together for almost 31. I was 18 and he was 21 when we met. Would not trade him for the world! I have been a very lucky woman for the last 31 years! My advice for being happy is, don't say things you don't mean or lash out, when you are angry and never go to bed pissed off at the other one.
Together for 32 years, and married, so far, for 31 years. I adore my husband - there is simply no other word that I can use that encompasses all that I feel for him other than the word "adore". We have raised 4 beautiful children together, we have had all of the same difficult issues that other people have in a relationship including infidelity - on both sides - in our early marriage, fights over $, fights over the kids, issues dealing with in-laws, etc., but we worked through all of that and came out stronger for it. I can say now with the utmost honesty, that there is no one on this earth that I would rather spend the rest of my life with. My husband is the perfect man for me. And according to him, I am the perfect woman for him :-)
Been married to the same lovely lady for 34 years. I've got no advice. You either choose each other correctly to start with and keep remembering why you chose that way, or you don't.
Brian: couldn't agree more. No advice...just choose right the first time (41 years here).
Choosing to love that person for life.
been married for 11 years and together for 14! There is no other man in this world i can imagine myself with. He is the hardest working, most involved father and absolute handsomest man (even if he does need a haircut right now!)Being so in love is an emense blessing..there are so many broken homes and bitter people i'm so glad to go home to such a wonderful man!
ur all full of @!$%#, just admit the passion is dead.
Jeff -
Once the kids are grown and moved out it comes back in ways that you can't even imagine when you're younger.
Geez Jeff. Projecting much?
Every post has to have its troll, huh, Jeff?
Jeff I am sorry you are going through difficult times with your wife. God Bless.
This is the best place to visit today! Because love can last! Hope springs eternal! And the common thread is kindness. Don't say or do hurtful things to each other. We have been married 40 years and love each other as much today as we did when we met. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I catch a sudden glimpse of him and I still feel an overwhelming sense of pride that he is my husband.
We've had our share of misery as well as happiness and the underlying theme is that we deeply care for each other's well being. We laugh often and he can diffuse any situation with his wonderful sense of humor. And music is HUGE in our lives. And our family comes first above all.
My daughter is soon to be married and I am so excited that both her parents and his have long lasting marriages. I think that will give them a good foot up in creating their own.
I'm a very lucky girl. I'm married to the perfect man, lol. Valentines day isn't big with us, mainly because it's completely redundant!
Married 26 years. We still hold hands sometimes when we walk. It still feels nice lying next to her, just having her close. I still thank her for cooking dinner and she still thanks me for doing the dishes.
A lot of it is attitude. If you look and try for the best you will find it. If you look for the negative you will find it too. Which is more important to you? We said "I do" to each other and it still means something to us.
I am not married, but I can say that my parents were married more than 55 years before my mother passed away. My parents marriage was what I always wish my marriage was. They were best friends and very respectful of each other which is what I believe made their marriage so good. My father also said my mother was his Queen and he would never remarry after her death. of course my father did things back in the day that other men didn't do such as helping around the house and cooking. I know that both of parents are together in heaven and happy together again.
Did your Mom mow the lawn, change the oil in the cars, take out the garbage etc... We always hear how men never did anything but both my father and grand-father rarely weren't working on something be it fixing a leaking faucet, doing the breaks on a car, trimming a tree etc...
This is what I mean by today women expect too much, they expect men to hold those traditional roles from the 40's but ALSO split the work with them like dishes, caring for the baby etc... Meanwhile you don't see the women mowing lawns or under a car.
Hell most women in my Gen x age bracket can't/don't cook, clean or do much of anything. Well besides take.
Women today are terrible, but men are no bargain either. Gen Y'ers and even Gen X'ers are a bunch of spoiled children (I'm a Gen X'er.) They are completely self absorbed and most are so self centered they could never make the appropriate sacrifices for a successful marriage. Plus I don't know if it's the make-up or what but there is entirely too many 5's or 6's who think they're 10's and that's why a lot of women can't "find a man", when really they're too ugly for the 6'4 strapping Abercrombie model lawyer they think they deserve.
Mike,
Your comment was completely off topic and not at all in the spirit of the rest of the comments of this article. Let me say, though, that household chores (laundry, dishes, tidying, taking care of kids) are DAILY things. You change the oil once every three months. You trim the tree once or twice a Summer, you mow the lawn once a week. And I know plenty of women (including myself) who take out the trash! I also know plenty of women who do those other chores you mentioned and plenty of men who pay to have them done (not every guy knows how to change the oil, or wants to). Get off your chauvinist high horse and help your wife (if you have one). By the way, taking care of kids should NOT be considered a household chore OR a woman's job. Parenting is a full-time two-person job.
Oh wow, just saw the rest of your comments. I'm SURE you're a strapping abercrombie model. Get OVER yourself, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it's NOT just a "girl thing." There are SO MANY more women married to men who are "out of their league" because women are not NEARLY as visual as men and women are better at appreciating personality, humor, values, etc. right away instead of deciding not to give the "5" a chance.
Oh please Allie, I saw it with my own eyes, my mom plopped me down in front of the tv with some cereal then I was out the door to play with friends until probably 8 at night.
My Dad worked his butt off, as did my grandfather. Women are living in a dream world today, they want their cake and eat it too. Their expectations are absurd. I'll clean dishes if my wife cooks, but if she expects me to push a vacuum I expect her to shovel the driveway, move the lawn, change the oil, paint the house when needed etc... etc... She won't as she knows those jobs suck and she wants nothing to do with them. Men have always done these things as well as work 9-5 supporting the family and dying of stress 12 years earlier than women.
I was a SAHD for 4 months after I left the military, it was the easiest and best 4 months of my life. I had all chores DONE by 10:30 in the morning including dinner prepped. Then I just goofed off and watched tv.
Mike: geez get a grip guy. That was YOUR mother, not all women. How great could that dad of yours have been to raise you with such a hatred toward women? Just get a divorce and be done already.
Mike,
There's always a division of labor in any marriage. If that works for you and your wife, that's great. But not all wives are housewives. Sorry about your "9-5" but I work 8:30-5:30 and my husband works full time as well. We help each other with household chores, he's great working on cars but I work in a car dealership and with my discount, it's actually cheaper to take them in for oil changes than if he changed it. If we need to do any of that other seasonal stuff (we rent a house right now, so we're not really responsible for much of it anyway) then I would gladly help him. If that's what works in your relationship, that's great, but don't go preaching that it's the only way to do it and DO NOT spew mysogynistic idiocy like "all women have it so easy and never want to do the hard jobs and expect way too much." Maybe you need to add a little appreciation instead of all this self-righteous Man knows best crap.
And women are not NEARLY as visual as men, so all this "6" wanting an abercrombie model bull is ridiculous. Maybe you should stop seeing women as numbers and start seeing them as PEOPLE.
Allie if you're married I give it three years before your husband tires of your mouth and your BS. Good luck to you, you will need it...
Well if you can make it with your dismal view on women, then I guess there's hope for everyone. Better pray she doesn't wake up one day and realize it's not 1953 anymore.
Allielcea,
Great posts! It's sad that Mike had such a terrible upbringing!
Mike,
Time to get over your terrible upbringing, and take responsibility for yourself
Mike, I feel the sting in your words about your mom and women in general. I want to tell you that we're not all bad. :) I've been married for almost 22 years, and my husband travels a lot with his job. That is his contribution to our life. My contribution, as I see it, is to be the "constant" parent, the one who makes everything stable and predictable for our daughter. The one who is always there. And in his absence, (and in his presence half the time...ha!) I cook, clean, take out the garbage, shovel snow from the driveway, wash my own car, do laundry, pack firewood in for the fireplace, mow the lawn, and I have painted the house at times, too. He doesn't "expect" these things of me, nor demand them. I work part-time and he earns more money than I do, so I see my role as that of good steward of what he provides for our family, and the one to keep everything running. He works very hard and does plenty of chores when he is home. I do feel for men these days, as they seem to have a lot of demands on them to work, do housework, and be all touchy-feely. :) But please don't think that all women are as bad as you say, and a bunch of ingrates. Maybe you just hung with the wrong bunch of girls. :) Happy Valentine's Day to you and your family.
sarah, I love your post and I hope you don't feel I was in any way denegrating your lifestyle. I think if a couple decides on the roles and division of labor they are both willing to uphold, then that's great and they should absolutely do what works for them. I was really upset with Mike's statements about women in general and assuming that in every marriage there's "man work" and "woman work" and neither gender can cross that line (especially irked by his views on parenting). Every couple is free to decide who does what but Mike seems to think his way is the only way to go. I know how you feel, my husband is deployed right now, so it's ALL "woman's work"! Have a great Valentine's Day!
Bless your heart as you hold down the fort in your husband's absence. What would we do without military spouses? :) No, don't think for a minute that I got any ill vibes from you. I totally get where you are coming from. I agree that there is no "woman's work," or "man's work." We both do whatever needs to get done, and in our house, the lion's share of homekeeping type work falls on me. But it's okay. I am grateful that my husband is such a good provider, and I appreciate his work ethic, and I know he appreciates my efforts to free him to travel when he must with work. So like you said, whatever works for each couple. I just felt a little sad thinking about how Mike's experiences with his mom and other women in his life may have jaded him a bit. I wasn't implying that you were the problem. :) Best of everything to you while your husband is away. Please thank him for his service, and a safe return to him and all of our brave service men and women! :)
Mike
You problem is that you seem to score everything, tit-for-tat so to speak. A happy life together just doesn't work that way. And if that's what you demand you will never be happy.
I met my husband in 1983. He's still my best frien and I love him dearly. And I know he feels the same. There is so much love and trust it makes my heart swell. No, we don't always divide things evenly, but neither cares. We each do what needs to be done and don't think about it.
Married 48 years! :)
Wow, all these wonderful marriages that are full of love. I hope that one day I will find my true love!
They exist, our cynical world would have you believe that a good marriage where two people stay in love and raise a family is impossible but it's not. People don't know how to compromise today, a lot of (sorry to say it) women are simply unreasonable in what they want from a man (too many 6's who think they're 10's). And now too many men who have their cake and eat it too, they stay an adolescent forever and have no reason for marriage.
But there are many that are married and still very much in love with their spouse 10 - 20 - 30+ years later.
Mike: LOL "people" don't know how to compromise...but its always the woman's fault?? No WONDER you're having a little bit of difficulty in your relationships.....
I have no difficulty in my relationship at all actually if you read my earlier posts.
You'll find someone you love - just give it time, and don't hold out for perfection. No one's perfect. Not you, not me, and not your future partner. Just remember that there are flaws you can live with and even laugh about, and flaws that are deal breakers ... and know what those are.
I married my best friend two years ago. We got together 13 years ago, when both of us were still in high school. We're more in love now than we've ever been! Love your spouse, take time to understand them, communicate clearly, and always remember to show that you care. Be kind. There's never an excuse for rudeness or cruelty, no matter how mad you are.
The hardest lesson for me to learn was that no one should "just know," even if it seems like it should be obvious, and it does both of us a favor to tell him what's on my mind.
Yeah, Mike has no difficulty in his relationship at all. He's the captain of his ship, treating his wife like dirt because, in his own words, "women today are terrible". He probably holds his wife down so she doesn't have the confidence to leave his chauvinist butt. I'm sorry Mike, but with an attitude like yours regarding women, either she's a glutton for punishment, or you've brainwashed her into thinking you're the best she could ever get and no one will want her if she leaves. I can't begin to say how sorry I feel for her.
Anyone can improve their chances for a long and happy marriage if you begin it by marrying someone who is also your friend......not just a good sex partner.....and learn how to fight properly (no grudges or name calling).....and a good sense of humor helps alot.....
I wrote a very nice piece about my marriage of 44 years, you people stuck me with two "possible spam" notices, gave me secret words to spell that I couldn't even begin to read, and then dumped my post.
I'd hoped my wife might read what I said and recognise who wrote it as she reads this stuff every day, but I'm not going to type it all over again, nuts to that! Your stupid discussion can go piss off.
pugface, it could be because you used lots of capital letters or lots of explanation marks or question marks. The Newsvine system seems to pick that stuff up as suspected spam. I used to post on Newsvine using capital letters to emphasize points and would get the same "possible spam" notices. I stopped typing my posts like that and the notices stopped. Just some advice.
Would love to hear your love story!
I will be married 23 years this May to the best man I've ever met. I agree with the "be nice"! I can't tell you what a comfort it is to know that there's at least one person in this crazy world that will unconditionally be good to me. I know that he feels the same and I hope there will be 23(+) more years with my sweetheart!
43 years and counting. Still having as much fun as we had in the 60's.
Me too ! At least I think I had fun in the 60's, can't remember too well....................
I love my wife intensely, we married young and had our issues but as we've grown we've both supported one another. I've seen my wife go from a pregnant and sacred 20 year old to a confident 30 year old woman working on her master degree. For us it gets better with time, I wouldn't know what I would do without her to be honest.
I am married to the same wonderful woman for 46 years. I find that when we work on projects together we seem to be at our best. Presently we are finishing the renovation of our house. We have shared the responsibility and at times the anguish but in the end it has been rewarding. I also recognize that I married a whole lot better than she did. Happy Valentines day Donna and too all the loving couples in the world.